Expatriate Forums in Malaysia

A man and a girl enter a lift in apartment block.
HE: I need to tell you that I have no rest and peace because of you. I roam around my room like a night shadow. I can't sleep normally. I'm not myself anymore!
SHE: You'd better tell this to my father.
HE: Ah! That's HIM who uses this stupid Dolby sound system!


He: Listen to me, I don't propose to every girl around.
She: Oh no worries. I don't reject everyone either.

Old friends meet.
- Rumor has it you've been recently married?
- Yep.
- I hope your new wife is pretty?
- Oh! Everyone says she looks like Madonna. I've got a pic with me. Have a look!
- (turning pale) OH MADONNA!

Kids talk. REAL STORY

A young family of three (parents and a daughter of 6) go shopping. They're going to buy a gift for their heavily pregnant friend Valia. On their way, the following dialogue happens.

Daughter: Auntie Valia is going to have a baby soon?
Mother: Yes, she is.
D: Where is her baby now?
M: Well... Inside of her belly, sunshine.

The little girl gets absorbed into a long meditation, then suddenly asks:
- Mummy you told me once that if I suck my dirty thumb, I'll get worms in my belly. So, what one needs to suck to get kids?!

IN ONE SENTENCE:

Because of 99% of barristers, all the rest have a bad reputation.

42.7% of all statistics are obtained impromptu.

Borrow from pessimists. They don't hope to get their [spam word detected].

Depression is anger without enthusiasm.

What is the speed of darkness?

I'm going to live forever; so far, I was successful.

Ambition is an awkward excuse for the lack of common sense to stay lazy.

Hard work brings fruits in the future; laziness is doing it right away.

Pure conscience is a consequence of bad memory.

Conscience is something that hurts when everything else is fine.

Those who want to hunt the rainbow must learn to tolerate raining.

Half of people you know are below the average level.

Why those phone telepaths always ask for your name?

Early bird has her fly, while late mouse has her cheese.

Mechanic to his client: I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made the horn louder.

Nouveauriche comes home and asks his wife:
- What do we have for dinner tonight?
- Well... Lobsters, caviar, champagne...
- Oh dear... Why not chips and beer!
- Not my fault you don't earn like other men.

Russian wakes up with a bad hang-over.
Gets up and opens window curtain.
Takes a cover off a parrot cage.
Goes to the kitchen.
Takes a glass from the sideboard.
Opens the fridge.
Takes a bottle of vodka from the fridge.
Opens the bottle. Fills the glass.
Drinks vodka.
Puts the bottle back to the fridge.
Puts the glass back to the sideboard.
Goes to the bedroom.
Shuts the curtains.
Covers the cage.
Goes to bed......

Voice in the dark: "Amaaaazingly long day!"

Due to absenteeism of the sinners, the Judgement Day is always postponed.

If there were two harvests a year in Russia, every year would be doubly lean.

I've found out that fire in the lighter smells like burnt hair in my nose.

*LoL*...

Nice Jokes...and I found out this is the best joke of all time!